


Absolution

by truethingsproved



Category: I Lucifer - Glen Duncan
Genre: M/M, oh my god who let me near this book, sb made me do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-24
Updated: 2013-04-24
Packaged: 2017-12-09 10:06:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/772976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/truethingsproved/pseuds/truethingsproved
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you'd changed his mind perhaps he'd be here now, with you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

  * For [1848](https://archiveofourown.org/users/1848/gifts).



You sit and you wait for the world to end.

Because you are you, because you cannot change your nature even in these last hours, you've given Theo Mandros' friends and family, whatever he has left, a chance for a comfortable farewell. The best goodbyes are always the ones in which you don't know it's a goodbye.

You knew you wouldn't change his mind. You want to be disappointed. Even if you'd changed his mind, though, it wouldn't have saved him, would it have? It would have kept him here, with you, in the end.

You stretch your borrowed fingers and imagine his hand slipping into yours in these last few hours. You imagine the way he'd smile, his crude jokes and his bright eyes. Those never change. They're superficially different but they're always, always his.

If you'd changed his mind perhaps he'd be here now, with you, your borrowed skin and borrowed tongues hesitant at first. He would love you tentatively and you would let him take his time, learn his way around you in these clumsy containers of the self. But then he'd love you outside of his skin, outside of yours--maybe the pain, that rotting and agonizing pain, would cease, or maybe it would become sharper and realer and better, maybe he can only feel anything now when he's wrecked in agony. He'd love you more for your sake than his own, and you'd watch the world end, and you'd love.

His imagined fingers slip through yours. This is the second time you've lost him but you've lost him every day since then, you've lost him once and felt it echoing into your bones.

You would love at the end of the world until you were absolute.

For a moment, if you weren't you, you would envy the brothers who fell with him, that they spend this time with him. You would think that they hadn't earned it, the Nothingness. They hadn't earned an eternity in the Nothingness with him, hadn't earned seeing his face turned up to the heavens, glorious and golden and defiant and wearing that terrible smile at the end.

You are not envious, though, you are you. You are understood. You understand. Even if you'd convinced him, changed his mind, you'd have lost him, because he wouldn't be convinced. You know this, you know him. You love him and you understand because you love him. You sacrifice because you love him. You love him.

You love him at the end of the world.


End file.
